a motivational read!

i've been wanting to write something like this for a long time, but never really had the platform/will to do it until now. a quick overview of what i'll be talking about: my move, my life, obstacles, and how i got here.

after spending two years at two different colleges, with a multitude of obstacles to overcome there (death of my grandmother, suicide attempt, ED, etc) , i moved back out of my parents house and into my own apartment at my new college. after my first year there was done, i moved in with my best friends at the time. long story short, you know how it is in college when you move in with your friends: it just simply did not work out. i moved to tennessee with my family, leaving behind all of my friends, my cat, my boyfriend, my freedom, etc. to be completely honest, it was one of the most challenging things i've gone through in my life. i lost everything that i had - i moved in with my parents, who were so amazing to take be back in to their home. i just was not happy. i did what i had to do - and now looking back, i would go through all of that again if it meant i could be the person i am today.

while i was in TN, i just wasn't happy. i missed my life. i missed what i had, and i felt like i was missing out on some of the most important years of my life because i had made some mistakes that cost me those things. for eight months, i worked two jobs, 12+ hours a day, 5-7 days a week. i did this all while doing college full time online, running a small business, maintaining a long distance relationship, and still living my life as it was happening. while this sucked most of the time, the amount of work i put in was worth it. i packed up all of my belongings into my toyota corolla, and drove over 13 hours back to texas. i have a job set up, a new apartment, a car, and it seems like finally, everything is working out the way that it was supposed to all along.

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the point of all of that was to say, that whatever you're going through right now, is just temporary. my eight months of being in a place i didn't want to be in, while missing out on what i was living in, really changed my outlook on life. while i was going through it, all i could see was negatives, however there truly is a light at the end of the tunnel.

sometimes, things don't work out, not because you aren't good enough, or aren't worthy, but because God is taking you out of a situation that wasn't good enough for you, or wasn't right for you, to mold you into becoming a person who is fit for their next step/path in life. with the way i was going when i was living alone (partying too much, getting involved with the wrong crowd, not being responsible, neglecting myself physically and mentally), i couldn't see past all the, "fun." when i moved to tennessee, i couldn't understand why. why was i such a screw up? why did the negative stuff always happen to me? why didn't i deserve good things or happiness?

that simply was not the case. god was molding me into a better person, so that i would be better fit for my next step/next journey in life. i understand that this can be a super scary concept, because you don't have concrete evidence while you're going through the rough patches that it will get better.

since moving, i have grown so much as a person, and for the first time i can truly say that i love myself wholeheartedly and i am super proud of who i am.

my main point or takeaway from writing this is:

try and keep your head up, because it will get better. i have experienced a large amount of trauma and hardship in my life, but i can honestly say right now that it was all to make me into the bad ass, hardworking, kind hearted, trustworthy person that i am today. there is a light at the end of the tunnel. whatever your tunnel is, keep walking through it. don't compare your tunnel to someone else's tunnel. they might be reaching the end of theirs while you're still walking into yours. your time will come.

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what helps me when im struggling to gain perspective or when i'm going through something is to stop and take a second and reflect. i have gotten through every single one of those hard days in where i told myself i wouldn't be able to make it through. same for you. every single moment in your life where you thought the world was crashing down around you and that the world was ending for you; you survived them. there was a reason for all of that. you're growing into your highest self. trust the process, trust the universe, whatever higher power that brings you comfort. i promise, hard work and manifestation truly pay off.